The Freeware Hall Of Fame

Rey Barry's


Rationalities Holy Grail?
The Smartest Page on the Internet?

This collection began in 1989 on the ILink International Netmail Network and randomly grows. Some additions are mine, some may be yours.
Last updated Feb. 25, 2020

"Flag" by Jasper Johns
A SIGNED PRINT brought $167,500 at auction.

When the value is only the signature,
it's autograph collecting, not art.

The Big Bang theory is applied theology [Rey Barry]

A boy becomes a man when he masters fear; until then he is still a boy [Rey Barry]

I intend to live forever or die trying [Groucho Marx]

The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next [Matthew Arnold]

Every year it becomes more apparent that Earth is some other planet's hell [after Aldus Huxley]

Definition of a bore: someone who never takes the road less traveled [Rey Barry]

The fat cats get so fat the land they're on sinks under their weight [Virginia Plotnick]

Arrogance, distasteful in Germans, is delightful in the French [Rey Barry]

Tolerance is the virtue of a man without convictions [G K Chesterton]

Rules are made for people who aren't willing to make their own [astronaut Chuck Yeager]

Were it not for the parallel universe of hypocrisy, you and I would go mad [Rey Barry]

If I will not laugh at myself, please laugh at me [from Dr. Thomas Szasz]

Doesn't matter how many guard the reservoir; the one who poisons it has control [Rey Barry]

Every 2nd rate historian, after taking a stand, remains convinced forever [Rey Barry]

Americans represent all that is wrong with America [Rey Barry]

Life is a wonderful banquet. When the desserts stop coming, we can handle it [Rey Barry]

Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Rather like voting in an American election [Rey Barry]

If another can do it, so can you [anon]

A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves. Said by Edward R. Murrow, demonstrated by Edward J. Snowden

A scam by anyone else is often a lawyer's stock in trade [Rey Barry]

Those who see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed, by the masses [Plato]

The ruling class knows that slaves do not compete [Rey Barry]

Dyslexia means every word I tyo0e lookis lik dysklexia [Rey Barry]

Doing as you're told is a great characteristic in a child and a horrible characteristic in an adult [Rockwell Kent]

Correlation does not imply causation [anon]

When standards are attacked, the first casualty is taste [Rey Barry]

Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge [Don Henley]

The writer's voice reveals things unknown to eyes and ears [Rey Barry]

Investor-owned public utilities - One Nation Under Greed [Rey Barry]

Never pass up the chance for an assisted orgasm [Rey Barry]

The prison of censorship has bars of political correctness [Rey Barry]

The plural of anecdote is not data

So long as you let the people bash the government till kingdom come, it never will. [Rey Barry]

Nature is to god what the loins are to the heart: one is responsible for what the other gets credit [Rey Barry]

Group sex - no holes barred

"Fusian" to a chef is like "eclectic" to a decorator: valid in a master's hands, crap by the rest [Rey Barry]

Islam is a religion of peace. Kill those who say it isn't [Muhammad]

Better to be seated at the table than to be on the menu [NJ union boss Joseph Del Grosso]

Nothing corrupts a religion faster than power [Rey Barry]

High death rates in nations that can't feed their population is both God's will and nature's survival of the fittest. It's presumptive impudence to interfere [tenets in common to Christian, Jewish, and Islam fundamentalists]

The only thing left to protect Americans from government crackdown is respect for 200 million guns and a billion bullets in bubba's hands [Rey Barry]

Gun control can make opposing George the third impossible [Rey Barry]

Against a government one person has no more power than a spider in a bed [Rey Barry]

Nobody trains to be a bore [Rey Barry]

The difference between lose and loose is a competent English teacher [Rey Barry]

The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity ... [W.B. Yeats]

Any fool can make a rule for other fools to obey [after Thoreau]

Your argument is sound, nothing but sound [Benjamin Franklin]

Blogs are dumpsters of emotional vomit [Dr. John Hong]

You can always count on the US to do the right thing - once it has exhausted the alternatives [Churchill]

We are always the same age inside [Gertrude Stein]

Buying a Mercedes 450SL for its performance is like marrying Julia Child for the whoopee [Rey Barry]

Fascism came to America wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross [after Nobel Laureate Sinclair Lewis]

Political correctness - presumptuous repression by the cock-sure [Rey Barry]

Hypocrisy defined - what's taught in church, stays in church [Rey Barry]

The first draft of anything is shit [Ernest Hemingway]

America's legal system is where men substitute words for reality and then talk about the words [Edwin Howard Armstrong]

Writers are forever eight years old, over-aware, and indignant [Adam Gopnik]

Lazy: cleaning out ear wax only on the side your dentist will see [Rey Barry]

When the laws of decency you breach, no one listens when you preach [Rey Barry]

If you can't change the world, at least embarrass the guilty [after Jessica Mitford]

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it [Joan Rivers]

Consistency is the opposite of a willingness to learn [Rey Barry]

Consistency requires that you be as ignorant today as ever [Rey Barry]

The ability to change your mind suggests intelligence; obstinacy the opposite [Rey Barry]

Consistent is a tactful word for never learns [Rey Barry]

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion [Lincoln]

If once in a while something in a blog is true, it enhances the value of blogs to spread lies [Rey Barry]

All important problems are insoluble [Arthur M Schlesinger Jr]

The congressional majority changed hands! We have new leadership! Come kick the football, Charlie Brown

Native intelligence learns from the experience of others [Rey Barry]

Statistics at the journalism level: 2 apples a day keeps 2 doctors away [Rey Barry]

Knowledge is guarded by a dragon named "I was wrong" who flees at the sound of his name [Rey Barry]

The apathy of the people is enough to make every statue leap from its pedestal ... [William Lloyd Garrison]

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome [Samuel Johnson]

When you're through changing, learning, working to stay involved - only then are you through [William Safire]

If you don't like the emotional experience you're having, change your mind [Peter Russel]

Liberty will not descend to a people; a people must raise themselves to Liberty [Emma Goldman's tombstone]

Follow your head for success, your heart for adventure [Rey Barry]

No one really listens to anyone else and if you try it for awhile, you'll see why [Mignon McLaughlin]

This estate was much too good to be frittered away on beneficiaries [Lawyer motto]

A wise man never proclaims success when the opponent is nature [Rey Barry]

Intelligence requires not confusing what you know with what you believe [Rey Barry]

Mistaking your feelings for knowledge is called ignorance [Rey Barry]

The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them [anon]

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know [Michel Eyguem De Montaigne]

We know no spectacle so ridiculous as the public in one of its periodic fits of morality [after Macaulay]

Anatomy is destiny [Freud]

The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything except what is worth knowing [Oscar Wilde]

The old and the young share a secret: they know how the wee hours came to be called that [Rey Barry]

Bibles exists to give people a reference for acting despicably [Rey Barry]

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities [Voltaire]

For the unschooled, eclecticism is a fancy word for no taste [Rey Barry]

Faith is the absence of knowledge [by definition]

MTV equals em-tee mind [Rey Barry]

If life was fair, girls would get mink coats because they're cold [Rey Barry]

It's more fun contemplating someone else's navel than your own

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't [Rey Barry]

I refuse to star in your psychodrama

Is Earth the insane asylum for the universe?

A system that depends on human reliability is unreliable

Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons [Bertrand Russell]

Everybody has got to die, but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case. Now what? [William Saroyan]

Moral indignation is usually jealousy with a halo

The United States was founded by religious nuts with guns. The rest were immigrants

Because truth offends is not reason to teach lies [Rey Barry]

A mystic is a man who treats his feelings as tools of cognition [Ayn Rand]

Statistics by fools and newspapers say the average family has 1/3 of a child

Newspaper statistics say the average American has one testicle and one breast [Rey Barry]

Sometimes silence is not golden, it's just yellow [Rey Barry]

The brainwashed are the last to realize they were brainwashed

Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage. That's why it's allowed [Rey Barry]

Discoveries are made by not following instructions

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong [Voltaire]

People don't see the world as it is, but as they are [Nadine Hodges]

Only those awash with guilt see anatomy as pornography [Rey Barry]

Agency ads reflect the opposite of what the client really thinks [Rey Barry]

When unbiased surveys favor the competition, hire J.D. Power

Give it an understanding, but no tongue [Shakespeare]

Everyone learns from mistakes; the smart learn from the mistakes of others

Good things don't have to be rammed down good throats [Rey Barry]

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does? [Robert Moses]

No one is jealous when you fail; a friend is not jealous when you succeed

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?

A belief is not made true because someone dies for it [Rey Barry]

Truth is not dependent on anyone accepting it [Rey Barry]

It doesn't have to be our fault to be our responsibility [Paul Robertson]

Religion tells us why to hate; parishioners tell us who [Rey Barry]

Urbanism means cutting down trees and naming streets for them

A prudent Baron Frankenstein would put the brain in a petite body [Rey Barry]

"But Sire ..." is not music to the king; "But Sir ..." is not music to the command [Rey Barry]

The best time to be rich is before birth. The second best is soon after [Rey Barry]

Do smokers escape the leading causes of death afflicting non-smokers? [Rey Barry]

Why should the person you tell keep the secret better than you did? [Rey Barry]

The Big Bang theory is creationism in a lab coat. The universe is not expanding; it is pulsing [Rey Barry]

Was there foreplay before the Big Bang? [Rey Barry]

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter [Churchill]

Allah Bless America [Allah]

Semper in excremento, sole profundum qui variat - I am always in shit; it's only the depth which varies

Women and children first, to see if it's safe [Rey Barry]

There is nothing more toxic to journalism than an anonymous source [NYT Public Editor] except an anonymous reporter [Rey Barry]

Wisdom begins with unlearning the nonsense we were taught [Barney Plotnick]
Education is the process of unlearning conventional wisdom [Barney Plotnick]

Believing false things can carry real consequences [Rey Barry]

Old soldiers never die, just young ones

Sincerity is vital. Fake that and you've got it made. [Brit comedian Bob Monkhouse]

Irresponsible breeders will inherit what's left of the earth

If a tripod has 3 legs, does an iPod have the square root of -1 leg?

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance [Sam Brown]

The river never drinks [Rey Barry]

Theology is the logic of children expressed with the language of adults [Doug Purl]

"Gaston Coblenz, you slay me" [Female voice carrying through the press bus, Berlin, 1962]

Maturity is knowing when to say no to your heart [Rey Barry]

There's nothing wrong with revenge. Only the targets oppose it [Rey Barry]

Ideas are food for thought but some are indigestible [Rey Barry]

The wings of angels do not carry bombs [Rey Barry]

Women knit to have something to think about while talking [Doug Purl]

The longer the ad, the less inspired the message [Rey Barry]

The difference between a dirty old man and any other old man is honesty [Rey Barry]

That fart has yogurt written all over it [Rey Barry]

The grass is always greener over the reductio ad newage [Rey Barry]

They keep the employee who is rowing, not the one rocking the boat [Rey Barry]

The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim [Edsger Wybe Dijkstra]

A religion that forgives sin, encourages sin [Rey Barry]

The most chilling sound on Earth is the sound of ignorance praying [Rey Barry]

Fear causes men to create gods and demons, but religion taken seriously is a mental disorder [Rey Barry]

If necessity is the mother of invention, greed is the father of patent [Rey Barry]

If you're not a socialist at 20 you have no heart - if you're still one at 50 you have no head

Every good movement tramples someone's rights. Every bad one tramples more [Rey Barry]

Don't confuse your career with your life

Religion is the siren song of irrationality [Rey Barry]

Charles Manson, no less than Elizabeth Hardwick, is known for "intimate tone and dramatic deployment of forceful logic" [after mock critic Christopher Lehmann-Haupt]

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity [George Orwell]

Since there's always hell to pay when a corporate lawyer is involved, we know who they work for [Rey Barry]

Cheese is milk reaching for immortality

The power of cheese - dare to be grated [Rey Barry]

The best safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it [Dudley Moore]

For every person with a spark of genius there are 10,000 with negative voltage

An offer to write this line was first made to George Raft, who turned it down [Rey Barry]

The follies you will regret most are those you didn't commit when you had the chance

You can't reason someone out of something they weren't reasoned into [Mark Twain]

Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it [Ayn Rand]

Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television [Gore Vidal]

Until you can relate to both sides you're part of the problem [Rey Barry]

ATLA does for the court system what the NRA does for schools [Rey Barry]

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, put it on the menu as canard

Without meat, it's just a snack

In Finland, the introvert looks at his shoes while he speaks; the extrovert looks at yours [Esa-Pekka Salonen]

Diarema - Jackson Pollock's brown period [Rey Barry]

Talking about music without listening to it is like photographing aromas [Rey Barry]

Stupidity remains astounding no matter how often one encounters it

A country without murders is a country without passion [Rey Barry]

We hold these truths to be self-serving ...

Madonna's Las Vegas act was canceled. Someone neutered the dog

Virus writers need a life - preferably behind bars

Love means listening to you bitch

To an optimist the glass is half full; to a pessimist it's half empty; to an engineer it's twice as large as it need be

Too many folks pray for you so they can prey on you

A "personal relationship with god" is great for avoiding blame

The first mouse to try for the cheese, dies

To get rid of a pest, attract his enemies

90% of the people who walked the Earth didn't have toilet paper

Nothing is as unquestioned as praise

There is nothing so stupid a member of Congress will not say it

For a talk on technology dehumanization, press button 4

Make your crotch a showplace!

Dieties are for those who flunk cause and effect

Popular religions are all to the stable born

When you hear them praying, it's time to check the lock on the barn [Harry Truman]

For the love of god, come when you're called

Imagine bringing up children in a ritualistic cult

Ego makes us believe evolution is moving up

America's taste is formed in school cafeterias

When women could cook, we weren't vegetarians

The pen is mightier than the sword and you're never out of reach

Patriotism: last refuge of a scoundrel and the first of a simpleton

Piety - often the first refuge of a scoundrel

Live a little - butter both sides of your bread

Bam, bam, poppa, that's a two-bam dad [Rey Barry]

Want to attract a modern girl? Be one

Breast fed? No, mother only liked me as a friend

You spent all eternity submissive? How droll

Drive-by shootings kill drug dealers

Ideas in Congress are smaller than they appear

Police state: demanding your diary as evidence

Voting is the outlet for the politically impotent

Understanding begins with questioning what we believe

Let's put the fun back in dysfunctional

Palsy could get a gynecologist arrested

Brevity is the upside of being old and grumpy

A beer means never having to say, "I'm thirsty"

Good writing never says - "Hey, look at me!"

A corpse in the bedroom will spoil the Open House

The sooner you bury your dead, the sooner neighbors bring food

Is a corporate lawyer a terrible thing to waste?

When did 'legal ethics' become an oxymoron

Everyone in court is under oath but the lawyers

Evil looks so ordinary people don't know it's evil

A page saying "Intentionally left blank"...isn't

Religion is a social disease

Some folks are forever backstage awaiting a cue

Life is the final release, not a Beta

Earth is a planet of petty tyrants - fly on

Used all of a pig but the squeal...until Ornette

Happy as a schizoid in a hall of mirrors

A wholesome mind is wasted potential

Age and guile feed on youthful enthusiasm

The young know the rules - the old the exceptions

Papal Decree - No masturbating in the afterlife

Does masturbation sap a woman's strength?

All the great writers should be in one cemetery

Alzheimer's means always meeting new people

An old-fashioned Xmas - using last year's lights

Answer the new inquirer, not the old question

At 4 AM all ideas seem sound

Quiet desperation is better than noisy desperation

Bar Fly - Ambience Chaser [Rey Barry]

Balance the budget: use Freeware [Rey Barry]

Cumin makes dolphin taste like bald eagle

Born again means not growing up

Beware the deal tartare

Boggles the foot, too, come to think of it

Bored? Grow a wen

Marriage: breeding in captivity

British royal family or legume? You decide

Buckle down for success, up for safety

Bugs Bunny is not a Playmate with the crabs

Who else misses Major Hoople?

Chain saws are only so-so for circumcision

Chap Stick is the sample size of Preparation H

Choking on prime porterhouse is an ok way to die

Cleaning up the environment begins with your room

Color-coordinated does not mean blood-shot hair

"Come in handy" is not pidgin Japanese

Dessert is no time to eat right

Whose life flashes before a dying schizoid's eyes?

Do executioners have a union? [Rey Barry]

Where are the female flashers?

DOS means not living hand-to-mouse

Electricians get into people's shorts

Elite people are less legible than pica people

Every infant is born an ignorant barbarian [Rey Barry]

If a baby is born with amnesia, how would we know?

Is this flake trying to snow us?

Follow that car, Godzilla, and step on it

Genealogy: chasing your own tale

In time, Congress will pass Murphy's Law

Gravity is a drag

Great truths come in small messages

Holistic response: the primal shrug

HONK if you can resist suggestions

If the cap unscrews easily, how strong is the glue?

If you break a leg, don't come running to me

Is Rover hurt? The other dog is towing him

PR: calling a traffic jam "rush hour"

Life in the slow lane? Ask your cat

Lite beer has 1 pretzel less calories than real beer

Mass murderers are in touch with their feelings [Rey Barry]

Have you ever seen your mother run?

Necrophilia means never having to say...anything

Never apologize; never explain. Sucking up is ok

No need to buy my song if you buy the flip side

Nothing says "A free country!" like jailing flag burners [Rey Barry]

Plastic surgeons call them "designer glands"

OJ - Sports idol to the Manson family [Rey Barry]

Only backwards can be spelled backwards

TV getting dull? Turn it upside down

Should schizophrenics be allowed more votes?

Success comes when they remember your name [anon]

Take a byte out of crim

The best use for tears is to wash your nose

The early bird finds the office closed

The early worm meets an early death

The hand that feeds you smells of food. Bite it

The Inquisition allowed Torquemada personal growth [Rey Barry]

The milk of human kindness never hits the fan

The puppy followed me home, mom. Can we eat him?

The truly suave lease the engagement ring

Flash! 3000 New Yorkers abducted by lone gunman

Tomato catsup? What other kind is there?

We're lucky Elvis didn't popularize bagpipes

Just think: John Cage could have given us nude ballet

Who received US Patent #1? (FreeHOF knows)

When one person can do the work of 20, 19 need a job

Whoa! This health plan lists ONLY Dr. Kervorkian

"Why Johnny Can't Read" - now on videotape

You can't get up to speed until you're over the hill

There is no injustice. There is only viewpoint

Religion keeps the poor from murdering the rest

Records show Lee Harvey Oswald received $200 a month as FBI informer #179

Intimacy with cellos, distracting in Wagner, is delightful in Corelli [Ernest Mead]

Without stereotypes & cliches we'd have no mass media

Life is nasty, brutish, and short. Shorter with cigarettes

Will a bubble child ever be President?

Study says all studies are flawed. More study needed

If there's no woman around to hear him, is a man still wrong?

Anyone with money to burn can find a match

Understanding begins with doubting the obvious

Social agendas are today's morality plays

Representative Democracy is not self-government

Some dream of changing human nature. Others wake up

Rev. Spooner would call politicians shining wits

Rock imagery: When you wish upon a wishbone...

Without data it's just an opinion

Better to be over the hill than under it

Life is nasty, brutish, and short. Why add UNIX?

UNIX - the revenge of the nerds

Under All is the Fee

A vending machine could sell tract housing

Your best client will get a real estate license

Customer loyalty can never be taken for granted

Never assume anything but a 3 per cent mortgage

Why don't women write freeware?

Democracy nurtures the seeds of its demise

The Sewing Circle Marching Band motto: Darn Tootin'

One definition of gall - an unmarried marriage counselor

The aim of life is not to prolong but enjoy

Among economists, the real world is a special case

Art and music are essentially useless, like life is

Aside from the 6 million laws it's a free country

Southern gentility: slow and lazy with character

Question Authority. Sez who?

Royalty - the more roots the bigger the dirt bag

Online sex is to real sex what a travelogue is to real travel

If it requires explanation, it isn't music

4'33" -- the sound of trees falling unheard

4'33" is the only good rap

4'33" played backwards creates satanic silences

Conundrum solved: 4'33" is sound of 1 hand clapping

Flash! Score for 4'33" now available in Braille

Off the air? No, it's a 4'33" marathon

The video of Cage's 4'33" adds a laugh track

When all else fails, Quodcumque Latine scriptum, altum videtur

Translation - "Anything in Latin looks impressive"

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